We all, once in our lifetime have been through the people pleasing phase. We read some self help stuff titled “How to be more likeable” and we just follow it blindly. But the loophole here is that, we overdo it. We focus too much on pleasing the other person and making them special, that we forget our identity. Our opinions and power to say “No” are the things which makes us identifiable. Agreeing with almost everything and not putting your opinions forward can highlight you as a phony personality.
Even your good social habits may backfire on you if you are not approaching them in a right measured way. Your authenticity saves you from any kind of social danger. People like legitimacy more than the charisma.
Speaking up for yourself is a lot easier than just carrying the load all alone. Not uttering anything is unfair to yourself and to others also. You appear frustrated and loaded. Sometimes the issue relates to you only and the person becomes the victim of your bluntness.
Don’t commit the mistake of becoming rude, in the process of chasing assertiveness. To make the process sober, start with probing and asking questions. But not in an interrogating manner. Dive into the conversation with your curiosity and make it fun for you as well as for another person. Doing this can save you from further locked up feeling and you will feel more free next time you talk with the person. This also saves you from the insecurities and you will not mull over your each and every step.
The best response to a rejection or failure is to embrace it. Keep yourself reminded about wrong moves next time and even if you can’t find anything, then it’s a cause to take you to something bigger and nicer!
Be selective in your battles, not all of them are going to lend you the peace. In fact, they lead to more complications and chaos. There is a thin line between speaking for nothing at all and speaking too much. Later can cause irritate others and might be your complaining nature highlights. Speaking about everything you feel for can be exciting,s but you may save your energy for more important things.
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